^DmI was a mercenary working for the Avalanche gang Awesome eco-terrorists who you'd probably wanna bang

^EI got trapped in a reactor shortly after ^Amy last raid ^EmAnd got shot into a slum where I could have gotten SQUAIDS ^DmThat's squirrel aids, for anyone who's wondering at home Anyway, I met a girl inside the Midgar zone ^EmHer name was Aerith and I soon became her bodyguard She knew how to work a staff, and she made my body hard

^AmOkay Cloud, this is getting com^Fplex ^GSo we're gonna move on to one of our ^Amother guests [Ego] I knew that Aerith was a Cetra [Danny] ^FExcuse me I was singing

^GShe could lead us to a promised land where ^Eenergy was springing ^AmI went to rescue her, ^Fbut I was captured and detained (Um) ^GThere I met Red XIII, ^Ama talking lion with a mane (Cloud) The president of Shinra was ^Fshot by Sephiroth G E A super-evil-Jenova-style-monster-clone-jerkoff (Hey) ^AmWe learned about Jenova, got our things, and then departed (^AWait, I'm totally confused) I haven't even gotten started ^DmWe met Cait Sith, as well as Vincent, Cid and Yuffie We had gotten very tired and my balls were kind of poofy ^EmSo Aerith let us rest, her tired ass continued on Until Sephiroth killed her and then she turned into a swan (What?) ^DmWait, that didn't happen, sorry, let me get rebooted This is sort of where the plot gets a little convoluted ^EmAn earthquake happened, then it started snowing like December Then some other shit went down that I don't seem to remember

^AmYou're using up the whole show, Cloud, ^Fplease take a rest ^GSo let's hear from one of our many ^Amother fine guests Q*bert, what's your game about?

[Ego] ^FI jump on blocks [Danny] ^GAnd you, Asteroid ship? [Ego] ^EI blow up rocks

^AmBack to my story, ^FSephiroth was casting spells ^GTo make a giant meteor and ^Amblow Gaia to Hell [Danny] Wait, that doesn't make sense, ^Fhow on earth would you know- [Ego] ^GShut your stupid French mouth. ^ENo one asked you, Glass Joe. ^FGod!

I'm so sorry^C I'm gonna ^Gcut your story short, your plot ^Cis way too frigging ^Fcrazy And ^Amwe've got one more guest we need to meet^C (And here he is now) ^DmHi, my name is Frogger, and ^EI try to cross the street

^AmFuck you, Frogger, I killed Hojo, and ^FI went to the Planet's core ^GSit down, Ninja Gaiden, I'm not ^Amdone, you stupid whore We defeated Sephiroth ^Fwho was now in godlike form And cast a ^GHoly ^Espell to stop the asteroid storm ^AmThe Lifestream stopped the meteor, the whole planet was ^Fsaved [Danny] ^GAfter hearing that plot, ^AmI think I have to go shave [Ego] You got something to say, Dig Dug? ^FYou wanna fucking go- ^GWait why's this hose in my ass, ^Eoh Jesus, God no